I guess it’s time to talk. I’ve been avoiding you, reader. Not because you’ve done anything, no. Just because I haven’t had much to say. Just because I am working my tail off at a lot of things that are really important, but at the same time are not all that interesting to hear about because they involve small actions done consistently over time.
No dramatic announcements or updates. Just dirty, boring, sweat. Just showing up every day and doing the things I need to do. Not glamorous. Not interesting.
But it could lead to things that are more interesting.
Our family has been going through a few challenges with a too-small apartment and some nocturnal upstairs neighbors who think it’s fun to stomp around and slam doors at all hours of the night.
I do not find this fun, for reasons you can well imagine a sleep-deprived parent might have for not finding such a thing fun. Reasons…
Speaking of reasons, there was one main reason we moved to a tiny apartment before our son was born: To get our finances in order. Okay, that’s a euphemism: To get our debt paid off. And we are doing just that with the savings we have gleaned from lowering our cost of living. Let me just pat ourselves on the back here and say it: We’re doing a great job. We’re making this time in this awful, annoying place worth it. Yay, us!
Yet, even with all our expendable income being thrown into a giant payoff avalanche that is finally starting to pick up speed and devour entire lines of credit, it can often just feel…yucky. Sometimes I don’t even feel anything when I see that magical zero when we’ve paid something off. It’s an abstract concept at this point. My income has become numbers to be divided into regiments and sent off to the front lines in the war against debt, and so none of those numbers have any real bearing on my quality of life. Money has no concrete meaning except as food to for the abominable-debt-payoff-snow-man so he can keep that payoff avalanche going.
If you think the avalanche method metaphors are getting weird (also, see this definition if you don’t know what the avalanche method is), keep in mind that I am sleep-deprived.
I know it will be worth it and that I will be glad, years from now when the memory of all this has faded, that we did it. But that doesn’t make this time go any faster. It doesn’t make it any less aggravating when I’m constantly tripping over things because I don’t have any room to walk because, really, there isn’t room for anything. It doesn’t make my heart rate decrease when trying to ignore the screaming from couples yelling in adjacent apartments. It really doesn’t feel good to pay off debt, not during the every day grind of it.
And I think I need to be okay with it not feeling good.
What have I been up to writing-wise? Honestly, not a lot in the approximately two hours a week I’m getting to write lately (only during the baby’s weekend naps!). I’ve been going through a bit of a dry spell, creatively speaking. Not because of a lack of ideas or drive (if anything, I have an excess!) but because of a lack of time to do anything. I’ve sacrificed much of my lunch hour writing time for walking instead, because I think it’s important to take care of my health during this time when I’m not getting much sleep or self-care. But all those little missing time pockets are hard to replace.
All that said, I’m doing my best to work on submission materials for my book. Over the past few weeks, I’ve written a long synopsis of my book, and I still need to work on my elevator pitch, query letter, and a shorter synopsis. Then, I will be researching agents and compiling a list of those I want to query.
I’m making progress. Here’s to the grind!
Speaking of, where’s that coffee…